me: james, you are going to be a great dad.
james: i know
hippie nurse: think of your cervix as a flower, let it open and bloom.
me: i think i just swallowed my gum.
custodian: women are a powerful people.
hippie nurse: would you like some essential oil, like lavender?
jana: I FEEL SOOOO GOOD RIGHT NOW! WHY DIDN'T I GET THIS EPIDURAL 10 HOURS AGO!
marla: jana, are you drunk right now?
jana & marla: giggling at hippie nurse
james: stop laughing! she is trying to do her job!! don't be mean.
jana & marla: more giggling
marla: jana, why'd you marry such a nice guy. geesh. we can't say anything around him.
hippie nurse: (baby is crying) she's just telling you about her journey... and how it went.
different nurse: oh your baby is so beautiful!
marla: what do you say to the mothers of the ugly babies?
different nurse: OH HEAVENS. ALL BABIES ARE BEAUTIFUL.
marla: i guess that joke didn't go over well.
jana: where is my freaking ketchup! i can't eat my veggie burger without it!!
marla: i read this article where women in times of yore would go into the woods and create a little birthing space about 50 days before they gave birth. and then they would have the baby alone, in the woods, and it was very calm and peaceful and lovely.
hippie nurse: that was probably in underdeveloped countries. they don't do that any more. and besides, the women of the clan would help the mother and stay with her the whole time.
marla: you don't say.
hippie nurse: well, we will be jana's clan. we will help her and surround her. we are her clan.
reva: marla, if you're gonna be here you have to BE here.
marla: what does that even mean.
reva: i need more of those lemon cookies from keys cafe.
reva: i just drank a 5 hour energy. but marla, your diet dr. pepper 20 ounce has almost as much caffeine as my drink! plus yours doesn't have ANY VITAMINS OR GOOD STUFF.
reva: i'm feeding her with my finger!
jana: take a picture with her hat off. i want everyone to know she has hair!!
marla: here's her very first sock monkey.
i love you sweet sophia noelle! welcome to the crazy clan.