Friday, August 19, 2011

10 Ways to Guarantee a RBSMT (warning: this is a snarky/ post)

A Really Boring Sacrament Meeting Talk involves the following:

1 Reading tons of quotes
(OMG, was that the entire chapter of the miracle of forgiveness? yes, i think it was!)
2 Reading your entire talk verbatim
(at the most pivotal part in the story you hear... "wait, i lost my place, bear with me brothers and sisters" shuffle, shuffle, shuffle)
3 Reading your entire talk verbatim...without looking up at. all.
(why is that person up there pretending he can't see us?)
4 Looking up the subject of your talk in the dictionary and sharing the definition
(using the dictionary is so 1998)
5 Not sharing any personal experiences
(come on, i know you have a story about how your sister's grandmother's aunt once blessed a sick buffalo and it got up and started walking again while on the trek to the great salt lake)
6 Trying to use random and ineffective analogies
(let's compare the Gospel to a three ring circus, you are the elephant, God is the circus master... NO NO NO)
7 Opening by telling everyone you didn't spend more than 10 minutes preparing
(watch at least 15 heads go down, it's not the wave, it's your audience playing solitaire)
8 Spending the first five minutes telling everyone how nervous you are and how fast your heart is beating
(come on, a seven year old just got up to bear his testimony)
9 Telling the story about how the member of the Bishopbric called you or cornered you in the hall and yada yada yada
(no.body. cares.)
10 Not even mentioning your topic, the. whole. time. and just talking about whatever you feel like
(we have no idea what your talk is about.  no really... zero idea.)

After writing down all the "dont's", I found this article from the Liahona.  I love the principles in it -- very simple and yet effective. 

Scripture, personal story or anecdote and testimony.  SPT.  Makes me think of spit.  :) 

Hey, whatever works.  Good luck on your next Sacrament meeting talk.  Whatever you do, don't be boring.


  1. you nailed it. i laughed and was thrilled you said it all. if i said i might have been shot but you can pull it off:) lol. jk. rock on sister and kudos to putting a positive spin on it at the end. and you know that Rin and I are thinking of the same person.

  2. You were a little late on posting this Marla. I gave my talk LAST Sunday. gee whiz.

  3. If your Bishop sees this, you're toast. Not to mention your mother. Just sayin'

  4. "I was asked to speak about this article by....". Speaker then proceeds to either A. speak about another topic entirely, leaving the listener confused for the entire talk, or
    B. read the entire talk or
    C. all of the above