Tuesday, December 7, 2010
MRI stands for Marla's Radiation Insanity
Just schedule an MRI. That'll do it. Just like the Men's Warehouse freak, I guarantee it.
I had rescheduled my appointment five times. Maybe six. I finally bit the bullet and went. I'm not claustrophobic. I'm not scared of medical exams. I'm not a huge chicken. But some reasons, this procedure really rattled me.
I'm just going to admit it, I am a hypochondriac. I know it, and family knows it.
So when I'm lying in this loud machine, trying not to move my head, a couple of thoughts entered my head.
1) What if this machine catches on fire? (this has happened, ask Kathi! ok it was a mammogram machine but still!)
2) What if a spider or a rat crawls into the tube and I'm not supposed to move?
3) What if I start screaming and have a real freak out?
4) What if I die in an MRI? How embarrassing would that be?
5) What if I open my eyes?
6) What if the dye from the IV starts burning up my veins and makes my brain explode?
7) What if my metal retainer starts to sizzle? They asked about metal flecks in my eyes but not a retainer in your mouth!
So then my thought process was.... must. not. freak. out. Over and over and over again.
I tried to think of things that were more scary than being trapped in a medical device. Like jumping out of a plane, which I already did. That didn't help. Then I tried to think of my mindfulness tapes and embracing the fear. The psychologist said to "get comfortable with the pain/fear" and then you would be able to move on. He says that most times, we fight our biggest fears instead of facing them. So I embraced the fear but still, I wanted the he*&^ of there, and fast.
Then I thought of a scene from LOST. :) I counted to five, embraced the fear, then decided it wasn't that bad.
See? LOST does have answers to everything.
And then it was over.
I have never been so glad to leave a doctor's office in my whole life.
Parting words from the MRI tech:
"Thanks for coming in. Stop in anytime.
Be sure to tell all your friends! Buh-bye!"
Yeah right, you betcha!
PS There is nothing serious, just a tumor in my ear. J/K. No seriously, "it's not a tumah".