Sunday, October 31, 2010

Somebody had to be her...

Or should I say someBODIES.
No, we didn't plan it, but we had a good laugh.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

True story: Matt Damon, on my bed.

The lovely and talented Matt Damon is in a new movie called Hereafter.  From the previews, I couldn't tell what direction the movie would take.  In the actual theater, I still couldn't figure out what the direction was.  Matt's role was very different than any other movie I've seen him in (excepting the rated R movies or the stupid ones like say, Stuck on You (Matty, what were you THINKING?).  His role in this movie... well, he was kind of a big nerd.  Which is completely opposite of his role in the Bourne Identity.  I remember seeing that movie for the first time and being on the edge of my seat.  It was such an enjoyable ride.  I was so excited for the second one but while watching the opening sequence and seeing his girlfriend die was like knowing you were going to eat cookies for the rest of your life without milk.  STUPID.  Don't kill the romantic love interest people!  Bad move!  The rest of the series was just guns and chasing which left me feeling fine the series was over.  So, back to this Hereafter movie.  He's a nerd, he's a pyschic, he has a Charles Dickens obsession (can you say random?) and I just didn't get the whole movie which I made clear by gasps of exasperation and some serious head shaking.  Bryce Dallas Howard (Eclipse) had a cameo and I completely did not get why they chose her or why they made her act like such an idiot.  But maybe that's what city girls have to do to get a date these days...

A few good things about the movie, the views and scenery of Paris are breathtaking.  The music was really beautiful.  The opening tsunami scene was pretty awesome too. 

Back to Matt Damon on my bed.  I went to sleep around 12:30 p.m. and woke up suddenly during the night.  I opened my eyes, and was shocked to find Matt Damon, about 10 years younger, sitting on my bed indian style just staring at me.  I was so surprised that I closed my eyes to see if I was dreaming and when I opened my eyes he was gone.  I wish I could've at least gotten his autograph.  Or a kiss.

Maybe the whole thing was a dream.  I guess I'll never know until the HEREAFTER

Seriously though, this did happen.  I am not making this up.  Our family has a long history of weird & strange dreams.  Ask my mother.

Things I like about Matt Damon...
He's one of the few movie stars of my generation who is 4 years older than me.
He's a Libra.  Born in October.  Just. Like. Me.  Coincidence?  Decide for yourself.  (the answer is NO)
His dad/husband roles seem to take priority.
He does great charity work --, the Aids projects, etc.
He is really pretty to look at.  Really pretty.

Monday, October 25, 2010

My Sister apparently never read 'The Manners' book.

Last night, we were having a lovely family dinner together and I look over and Jana is speaking and things are flying out of her mouth while I got a lovely view
of what was inside of her mouth.

Marla:  Jana, are you talking with your mouth open?
Jana:  Yes I am.  I'm at my own home.
Marla: That is disgusting.  Where are your manners.

A few minutes go by...

Jana:  HONKING her nose, at the table, very loudly.
Marla:  Are you crapping me?
Jana:  I have a cold!
Mom:  Actually it's best to excuse yourself when you need to blow your nose.
Marla: Thank you!

Jana, takes a look at me and notices a few things.
I am eating salad. 
I am chewing with my mouth closed.
my elbows are on the table,
and I am flicking the pieces
of dried pineapple
out of my bowl
onto the table.

Jana:  Marla, well look at you!

We both started laughing.

Maybe we can both use some practice
with manners.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Most Favorite Finger Puppets

You can't buy them anymore... but if you want to see them, hold them or play with them, you can come over and visit my Muppet bathroom. Just remember to flush.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My Minnesota Refuge


1. Protection or shelter, as
from danger or hardship.
2. A place providing protection or shelter.
3. A source of help, relief, or
comfort in times of trouble.

"One thing have I desired of the Lord…that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple."

—Psalms 27:4

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's not just about checking things off the list...

But, one of the things on my 101 things I want to do in my lifetime list was skydive.  Why?  I'm terrified of heights.  Remember the Alias TV series when they'd show the view from the city from the tall buildings?  Yeah, I'd get sick every time... had to look away to make that flipping feeling in my stomach disappear.  I could. not. handle it.  So the when/where/why skydiving ended up on my list, I'm really not quite sure.  All I know is that it's been there for a very long time.  And this seemed like the year to do it.  It might have had something to do with the end of year sale they were having... and as we all know, it is very tough for me to pass on a sale. 

Reva and I were going to do this together.  We were going.  And nothing was gonna stop us. 

The phone rang about 11:15.  One of the instructors was unavailable.  So instead of going up in the plane together, we would be going separately.  Wanna know why?  Because the other skydiver BROKE HIS WRIST.  She didn't tell us that on the phone though, that was something we got to find out after we arrived. 

It was a gorgeous day.  We enjoyed being outside and watching Zayah tear up the parking lot.  Two yuppies went before us so we got to watch (and wait).  It takes about 1/2 hour for the whole ordeal.  The waiting part really made things WAY more scary.  By the time it was my turn, I just wanted to get it over with.   They suited me up and I went with these two weird looking dudes I'd never met up into a plane 10,000 feet above the ground in some piece of hud plane. 

The yuppies were just leaving.  Why do I think they were yuppies?  Well maybe it was because as they were leaving, they gave a thumbs up sign and yelled MONEY to the skydiving instructor.

The word I am looking for now is Anyway...

The instructor goes through maybe, say 3 minutes of instruction, in the which I hear exactly .5 seconds of because the whole time he's yakking I am thinking 'am I really going to do this?'. 

We get up in the air -- which takes about 20 minutes.  At that point I am like COME ON ALREADY!!  Patience has never been a virtrue of mine... and it probably won't be for another oh... say 25-30 years, when I'm almost dead and there is nothing to be in a hurry for.  So we're up in the sky, and all of a sudden, the instructor whips open the door and I am looking straight down.  I'm supposed to get my leg out on the step.  The same step that I said to the pilot before we took off, 'is that step going to be there when we jump?' to which he responded, 'I sure hope so'.  The wheel of the plane was firmly attached to the step and I felt really super duper smart and intelligent at that moment.

It's time to jump now... the door is open, and I am trying to swing my leg out like he said.  Wait, did he say right then left or left than right -- which is my left anyway?  Suddenly you just become completely stupid because your mind can't process that you are actually going to JUMP OUT OF A FREAKING PLANE.  But the instructor, well he's ready to go and there is no turning back.  I finally get my leg on the step and then try to swivel the other leg and holy crap this is not happening and I had to shut my eyes.  And then we were falling.  And I'm trying to be a banana because the girl who signed us in made us get on the carpet and be a banana so I'm being a banana and I'm suddenly finding it hilarious that I'm flying through the air, being a banana but I'm still too terrified to laugh.  Then, the falling fast thing stops and there's a big jerk and suddenly we are floating... and everything looks beautiful and peaceful and it's so quiet.  And I'm trying to forget that there's this guy strapped behind me, who keeps asking me 'are you ok?' because I am breathless.  I'm also thinking about the landing.  Everyone has told me it doesn't hurt... but I'm like so you're skidding on the ground, with your BUTT.  How can that not hurt?  We get closer to the ground, and he tells me to get my legs up and land on my butt.  I do this... and then BAM BAM BAM BAM BAMMMMMMM... AND HOLY CRAP that was probably the only time I wanted to swear.  Because they lied! It does hurt and now I'm thinking about going to use the free chiropractor coupon that was sent to me in the mail.  I'm thinking no wonder he has grass stains on his butt.  I'm thinking why the crap would people want to do this over and over and over again.

And then it's over.  Just like that.  This little dream of mine to jump from a plane. 

My hair is the topic of conversation when I land.  Reva tries to run her fingers through it and says 'man, your hair is greasy - didn't you take a shower' to which I responded 'did you CATCH the part where I just fell out of the sky?'.  Your hair gets disgusting.  DISgusting.  And it was sticking up in all kinds of weird places. 

Reva was next.  And you know what?  That little turkey came down from the sky like a little ballerina.  There was no BAM BAM BAM BAM BAMMMMMM.  It was like 'pllllllink'.  She was done.  I was like how did you DO that?!

Zayah did not quite get that his mama was up in the air.  I kept pointing and he kept looking and he had this sweet confused look on his face.  He probably thought I was a bit crazy because WHY WOULD mama be up in the sky?  Mamas aren't supposed to fly!  

Next year for our birthdays, we will be doing a different thrill.  I'm not quite sure what it will be.  Maybe something like a knitting class or watching paint dry.  But whatever it is, it will be fun ...promise.

Zayah having a little separation anxiety, while we were being bananas.

Is solace anywhere more comforting
than that in the arms of a sister.
— Alice Walker, American writer.

Friday, October 15, 2010

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

But that was before I thought about getting up 10,000 feet in the sky and looking below me.  Maybe, in the future, I should think things out for a little longer.

Last year for my birthday I was waiting (ALL DAY) for the doctor to come in and tell me that they had saved my dad's life.  The year before I was floating in the Dead Sea.  This year, I decided to jump out of a plane.  No telling what I'll be doing next year.  But it might just be staying in bed all day and watching Muppet movies.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Of Bacon & Kisses & Strollers

Marla:  Chloe, what's with the big scratch on your face?
Chloe (age 4):  I cut myself, with bacon.
Marla:  Bacon?  What?  Bacon did that to your face?
Chloe:  It was a big piece of Bacon!

Marla:  Isaiah, can I have a kiss?
[Shakes head]
Marla: Puh-lease?  Gimme a kiss...
Isaiah (age 2):  Leans over, kisses my ring and walks away.

Isaiah: {saying something and looking frustrated}
Marla:  What is it Zayah?
Marla looks over, finally hears "I stuck!" and sees that somehow the stroller handle has gotten caught inside his shirt and he can't walk away. 
Marla:  OH! I stuck!! I stuck!! I get it!
Marla unhooks little one and watches him go along on his merry way.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

People are Funny.

From the Erin Summerill blog...

Today I walked into church a little bit late. When I surveyed the room to locate my Mom and sis-visiting-from-Hawaii, there was no empty seat beside them! No seat. For real. WTH? So I walked to the side and sat beside my good friend Shanna.

Anyway, she leaned over and in a low voice noted that there was no space beside my Mom and sis. I must've made a face because she said I looked like the next time I talked with my mom and sis, I was going to say something like, "You are dead to me."

I totally busted out a snort right there in church.

Then using Shanna's inspiration, I totally did just that.

"Mom," I said after church. She blinked at me through her coke bottle glasses. "You didn't save me a spot in church today."

"Well, you were late," she said.

"That's it," I declared with gusto. "You are dead to me."

She gave me a look and walked on.

I like this because of a) the word SNORT b) it's completely random c) that it happened in church where everything is always inappropriately funny and d) people are so creative and crazy and amusing.

On another completely random note, I love scheduling travel for people at work.  Please enjoy this excerpt from an email I received a few days ago:

"My preference is someplace I don’t have to share with invertebrates, arthropods, or arachnids; where the sheets get changed after every customer; and where the bed can actually be slept on without muscle relaxants.  Anything after that is a bonus."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


Don't get mad at me for having
the word "hell" on my blog. 
My mother made
me do it.  :)

My favorite is the Thursday smile, somewhat wicked monkey style...

Monday, October 4, 2010

TUMBLR is my new obsession...

but I found it first from here...

I love pictures! And quotes! And not growing up!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Da Twins

Da Twins doesn't have the same ring as Da Bears does... that's disappointing.

What wasn't disappointing was the new Twins stadium.
Boy Howdy, that place is fancy!

Ricardo & me
Wally, Iris & Ricardo

A shot of my polish hot dog with everything on it... and the famous Kirby Puckett (doesn't it kinda look like he has a toothpick in his mouth?)  Our hamster was named after him.  He lived with us for about 4 months.  After losing him about 75 times, my dad saw him by the door one day and decided the kindest thing would be to open the door and let him out.  We never saw Kirby again.  Then again, it might be that giant animal in the backyard that thumps our house at night.

Did you know what the M and S stands for?  I thought I did but I was wrong, dead wrong.  It's not Minneapolis and St. Paul shaking hands... it's the Minneapolis Millers and the Saint Paul Saints over the Mississippi River.  Who. Knew.  (or Who. Cares.)

Anyway, I have zero interest in sports, ZERO.  I do have an interest in the MN culture (oddities), the food and the company (some pretty hilarious commentary occurred during the game). 

I learned that you can't walk down the steps when the batter is batting.  I learned how to read the score board from my dad because when Jeff called I proudly announced that we were winning (turns out it was the other team).  I learned that when you go to get something to eat and the ball lands in your bag, that it's perfectly acceptable for someone to go in there and grab it and claim it as their own.  I learned that the new Twins stadium has really yummy food -- especially the polish sausage and the gelato which was TO. DIE. FOR. No picture there because I forgot about everything (including the camera) until it was gone.  Jake (age 6) had no complaints on the soft serve ice cream that graced the corners of his mouth and oddly enough, his forehead.

Best of all, I got to hang out with my Dad.  He was like a kid in a candy store.  Excited doesn't begin to cover it.  His neighbor gave him 4 tickets to the Legendary area which meant we were separated from the masses, had access to the museum, the fancy chefs with big white hats and great seats. 

It was a heckuva game.  Thanks Dad.  xooox, marla

Friday, October 1, 2010

Guess who my real dad is...

Jerry Kucera
Running for Scott County Commissioner
Maybe you have seen the KUCERA signs all over the County
and the handy dandy tattoos for your arm


Richard Kucera, Ex Cop
An email I received might give you a flavor as to who this person is...
"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground - - you lookin like a foool wit your pants on the ground. ~Ricardo"

So which one is it?