Monday, March 2, 2009

The Parable of the Wheat, by Dick Kucera

My dad is funny. He's always had a sense of humor. Oddly enough, no one really thinks he's that funny unless he's not trying to be funny. I've spent many hours, along with my sister Jana, making fun of my dad. I thoroughly enjoy the look he gives us when he catches on to what we're doing. It's the look that says "why i oughtta" combined with a Joaquin Phoenix stunned amusement that we are actually finding what he is doing funny.

The other day, I emailed my dad about my food storage. I have cans of that stupid wheat that has never been ground. I'm the first to admit I don't have many cooking skills but I'm fairly certain you can't just dump the wheat in some recipe without grinding it. My parents have one of those vintage wheat grinders. It's one of the things I remember from my childhood. For some reason we were fascinated with it. We loved to watch the wheat funnel down into the box and then open the drawer and feel the fine wheat flour between our fingers. Clearly, we needed some better entertainment but it seemed to do the trick.

So Dad, I asked, have you gotten around to grinding that wheat? Now why would I ask my Dad to do it for me? My mom claims it's too complicated for me to do it myself but I'm pretty sure she just knows that it could end with wheat flour over her entire kitchen. She's one smart cookie, that mother o' mine.

But back to my dad. Here was his one liner response (quite possibly one of his best yet):

"I threw the wheat on the garage floor - it should be ground up in a couple weeks."


  1. Very funny - We had a stake women's conference this week and they showed us wheat ground in a blender and it was pretty fine - fine enough to make yummy yummy pancakes. You can also soak whole wheat in water for a while and it makes this crunchy salad topping. I've never done it, but they had us taste some and it was good.

  2. what a great idea! i DO have a blender!! and i love the salad topping idea too... i've been on a wheat berry kick - try those - they are so yummy!

  3. Ok, we give. We'll put the wheat through the grinder so you can run your fingers through it before you make delicious something. Sans the bleach, of course.

  4. I think I belong in your family. It must have something to do with dad's of all girls.

  5. I've reconsidered and your Dad is not that funny. He woke me up twice last night so I could hit the fast forward button on the recorded show he was watching. Mom

  6. in dad's defense (this is not usual for me to defend him)that tv/remote is really really hard to figure out. i want to throw it against the wall.
    and jess - yes, this is what happens when there are too many girls in the family. the father feels the need to "act out" or maybe just be heard amongst all the screaming girls. :)

  7. Marla! I asked your dad if he would grind some wheat for me, but I didn't want any grease or tire tracks in it. He turned red and laughed.