Sunday, August 31, 2008

Eyecandy 101


1) Smile

2) Crinkley eyes

3) Scruffy

=

ATTTTRACT-TIVE

Seminary: T minus 7 days!

Yes, that's right. The chaos starts on September 8, 2008 my friends. I will no longer be available past 8:00 p.m. Why? Because I'll be going to bed ridiculously early so I can get up at 4:45 a.m. each morning to go teach the New Testament to a bunch of super awesome energetic wonderful incredible teenagers.  What an adventure.  

You can read more about seminary here.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To Kiss or Not to Kiss

Aren't baby kisses precious?

Sunday night, before leaving, Chloe went around the room and gave everyone a hug and a kiss. She takes the goodbye ritual very seriously.

Once, we had an evil step grandma who would force us to kiss her on the lips. It really made me gag. I would try to turn my head and divert the unwanted lip action but it was unavoidable as she would turn our heads! Let's just move on. My reflex is kicking in.

Back to Sunday night and Chloe's kissing rounds. I tried to divert her little kiss to the side of my cheek where let's be honest - it's just more sanitary - but she would have no part of it. She yelled a loud "HEY" and grabbed my face with her little hands and planted one on me. Oh how I love this little spunky girl!

Last night, when Reva and the kids came over for dinner, the conversation went like this:

Reva: You are so bossy!
Chloe: No, YOU are so bossy!
Jacob: Chloe, Mom is the BOSS!
Chloe: I am the boss!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Marla's New Theme

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=14400152

Batter Blaster: Pancakes in a Can


www.batterblaster.com/tv.html - See ridiculous video for a drama demo.

The sighing part really gets to me. It's soooo hard to make pancakes. I think she signs about 5 times.

Seriously.

Batter Blaster Spews Canned Pancakes Like They're Easy Cheese
Pancakes are a pain in the a** to make, but not any more with Batter Blaster. Just spray this organic pancake goo onto a hot skillet and your steamy breakfast is just a couple of minutes away, bacon not included. If you don't mind using Cheez Whiz Easy Cheese in its spray can, this looks like just about the same concept except it's pancake slime instead of orange cheesy crud. One problem we see right away, though, is there are just eight servings per can. You know how that goes with serving numbers on packages—if it says the package will serve 8, that's only true if seven people aren't eating. For an even easier battered breakfast experience, you could just skip all this canned goodness and pop a couple of Eggos in the toaster. [taken from http://www.gizmodo.com/]

However, my friend ANDY in San Antonio really liked them. Go figure. Just remember, you heard about them from me first people! Run out and get your Batter Blasters!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Styrofoam is Flammable

Who knew?

Ok, maybe half the planet knew this already. I've always been just a few seconds (sometimes minutes) behind everyone else on certain common sense stuff.

So today, I'm playing waitress for a meeting involving a large number of people. I set up the lunch, lit the little burners and set them underneath the food to keep things warm. Later on, after the lunch, I needed a way to put out the flames. I figured if I covered the burner with a plate it would not burn because it wouldn't get any oxygen and it would go out.

Not so.

It lit on fire and I started hyperventilating in the hall. I had put two plates on two burners and I had open flames in my company building.

What did I do? I ran.

And then when someone asked me about it, I said that this guy ran by and did it but I had never seen him before. At least I didn't give him a fake name. Because with my luck, they would track down this fake name guy and ask him why he did the dumbest thing in the entire world and I would so get busted.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Evil Bullseye
















10.91
13.8
11.28
5.23
20.62
8.37
14.98
9.13
11.95
18.09
30.37
12.17
7.75
19.47
17.55
16.06
227.73

This is the damage from June until August in Target spending. They say shopping therapy is cheaper than professional therapy but what do I have to show for this? A million lip glosses - most recent ones were Miley Cyrus lip gloss but come on! I don't care what's on them if they are 3 for 1.48 including a free magnet I'm SOLD, a few pieces of clothing I only wore once - however I love my multi-colored sweatshirt that I'm wearing today, cereal - yum, Cocoa Pebbles, and shoes.

Some of the stuff is valid because it's food or supplies for the house, but most of this crap is not necessary. And after tallying up the charges, I want my 227 dollars! (Better off Dead quote, with an increase in 225 dollars)

So that's why I'm starting a boycott. A Say No to Target raging, insane, rip out your hair instead of shop boycott. Don't even walk let yourself through the doors people. Save yourselves now before it's too late and you become one of those people who walks the clearance aisles at the end of the rows and dig for stupid stuff that you don't need and won't want in five minutes.

Contest: Guess how many lip glosses Marla has in her drawer at work... winner gets a free lip gloss (which really is a ploy to go back to Target because it is after all, my true love).

PS I love Tom Cruise no matter how nuts he is, no matter how many couches he jumps on, or how much he talks about Scientology. And I always laugh SO HARD at the "show me the money" part on Jerry McGuire no matter how many times I've seen it (edited TV version of course).

The Ward Camp Out

The corn.
The bubbles.
The s'mores.
The glow-in-the-dark bracelets and necklaces.
The friends.
The football.
The treasure hunt and craft project.
The non-sleeping.
The ambien.
The pancake breakfast.
The snoring.
The 'let's do this again in five years instead' idea.


But oh! Aren't they darling!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

If I had a sewing machine, lots of cute ribbons, and a booth at the State Fair.

I would make these:

"Duh! It was her 60th Birthday! We partied with the Hatians!"

Ok, so we didn't party with the Hatians (hello CLUELESS!), we partied with the Minnesotans on Lake Minnetonka but it was still really fun. Jana got this bright idea to have a boat party for my mom and she called Reva up and this is how that conversation went:

Jana: We should rent a pontoon for Mom's birthday
Reva: That's the dumbest idea ever!

Then Laura found out about the boat rides on Lake Minnetonka and we booked it! We arranged for Mom to arrive at 1. Everyone else was to arrive at 12:30. However, when we were congregating in the restaurant with only half the party in attendance, Mom walks into the restaurant and we all freaked a twinkie. She was pretty confused when we left the restaurant and kept walking down toward the dock. We had a gorgeous day on the boat. Good food. Great company. It was a beautiful birthday. Glad you made it to 60 Mom!!

The Birthday girl's cake. Carrot is always best!
An old guy in a new hat. Mom & Pink Cheeks Chloe
Chloe stole my Hello Kitty hat and is apparently doing a Michael Jackson move.
Loda, Anna, Chloe, Marla

















Jess & Kyle

















Lynnrae & Mom

















Making faces.


















Little peanut Anna.
Karen, Jimmy & Loda
















Cousins - Jana & Stacy

Monday, August 18, 2008

People are Funny.

I found this letter to the editor in the Star & Trib in 90's. I cut it out and saved it all these years because it just made me laugh so hard! I have always gotten a kick out of people when they get all crazy and write letters. Maybe it's because I can relate to it since I am also a writer of crazy letters.

No to Pluto
Congress just approved a plan to set aside millions of dollars to explore the last planet in our solar system, Pluto. Who cares about Pluto? How about our nation? Hello, we are in a recession. We have homelessness and hungry running rampart in the richest er nation on earth. Social Security is facing extinction; other service have been cut. Senior citizens can't pay expensive medical and pharmaceutical expenses and 20 million children are starving or without medical care. Hey, why not send even millions more into a black hole?

Rob Larkin
Roberts, Wis

PS If anyone knows Rob Larkin of Wisconsin, please - I gotta meet him. He's hilarious.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Play Ball!

I
love
Chloe's
little
toddler
legs.
She also loves to carry her phone while playing soccer. I was so lucky to answer her phone when Matt Damon called. He wasn't very interested in talking to me but he sure wanted to talk to Chloe! It's true - men really do love younger women.



Jake, and the KICKING. The "this is serious don't mess with me when I'm playing soccer" face. This face also appears when he drives his Corvette.



Mom, Chloe and Jeff trying to figure out how to work the camera.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Word of the Day

CHICHI
affectedly trendy
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2008/08/13.html

I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT! :) This will be my new word.

Example
Marla is so non-CHICHI. Her clothes never match and she wears whatever she wants however she wants.

Case in point
Coworker to Marla: Your hair is very interesting today.
Marla (smiling) : Thank you! (fluffing my pigtails)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Olympic Hangover


It's not from drinking Jack Daniels. It's from staying up too late. Somebody talk to the committee so I can start work at 10 a.m. instead of 7:30. Much obliged!
GO TEAM USA!!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

An Evening in the Life of a Minivan Mom

Put car seats in car.
Put kids in car.
Buckle kids.

Drive to Wendy's.
Unbuckle kids.
Take kids out of car.

Eat Frosty, Fries, Chicken Nuggets, Cheeseburger.
Watch kids play with food.
Watch Jacob discover he doesn't like bacon on his burger.
Watch Jacob spit out burger.
Watch Chloe spoon her Frosty and test gravity.

Back to car.
Put kids in car.
Buckle kids in car.

Target.

Unbuckle kids.
Take kids out of car.
Enter Target.
See dollar items.
Irresistible tutu for Chloe.
Choose Pink or Purple.
Pink always wins.
No tutu for Jake - toy instead.
Bread, juice, chocolate, checkout.

LATE TO SOCCER!

Scramble back to car.
Buckle kids.
Zoom. Zoom.

Soccer Field Ahead!

Unbuckle kids.
Take kids out of car.
Sign Jacob in.
"Play Ball!"
Kick ouch Kick Kick ouch Kick.
Take Chloe to potty.
Tinkle Tinkle Tinkle.
Flush.
"I did it!"
Hoist up to sink.
Soap Water Scrub.
Air dry hands.

Storm is coming.
Clouds are spinning.
Raindrops falling.

Back to car.
Get in car.
Buckle kids in car.

Drive home.
Unload kids.
Unload bread, juice, chocolate wrappers.
Take car seats out.
Warm summer rain.
Everyone gets wet.

Wave to kids.
Kids blow kisses.
Heart expands.

What a lovely evening.
Let's do it again soon.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Breakfast of Champions

Let me tell ya people, it ain't Wheaties!

"...Three sandwiches of fried eggs, cheese, lettuce, tomato, fried onions and mayonnaise, add one omelet, a bowl of grits, and three slices of french toast with powdered sugar, then wash down with three chocolate chip pancakes."

Michael Phelps, Gold Medalist.

And this is just breakfast! It's not even what he eats in one day.

So why it is, then when I eat one cupcake, I gain 20.5 LB's. Why can't God destroy the gene that tells the cave woman inside of me to add more cushion to my hips and buttocks?

My new plan:
Quit my day job.
Start swimming for five hours a day.
Get a swim cap and some awesome looking goggles.
Buy a big chocolate gold medal and wear it around my neck.
Take a bite out of my chocolate gold medal when I'm hungry.
Watch the Olympics on TV and cry while singing "We're gonna make all our dreams come true!"

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Substitute Man Pillow

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Hug-Me-Pillow/1676854/product.html
A man now costs only $29.99. I wish I was kidding about this ad. What's even more hilarious is that the reviews give it 4.7 out of 5 stars. Quick! Buy your half-man pillow today!

Here's a review (and apparently one freak came to write their own on my blog):
When you miss your man, Feb 27, 2008 By SoLonely555 from San Fransisco
There's nothing that beats this little doll when you miss your man, and you need the comfort and security of feeling that there's someone there to hold you. I can even dress him up in different outfits. High five squishy half mannequin man, high five!

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Teenie Bopper in me might never phase out.

Things I probably should've outgrown by now:

Seeing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Part II on opening night with 12.5 million 13 year olds all incessantly checking their cell phone for text messages, twittering, wearing layers of tank tops with really short shorts.

Shopping at stores like Vanity with the girl at the counter thinking that surely I'm shopping for my tween daughter. Ahemm....

The Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Ridiculous and young, but fun stillthesame.

Watching any and all shows on the WB (newly named CW) - Dawson's Creek, One Tree Hill, and many others.

Getting a sticker or a toy at the dentist's office.

Ordering a Happy Meal at McDonald's just to get the prize.

Buying the little plastic kiddie barrettes because they are cute and then wearing them in my hair.

Wearing t-shirts that say I've got the 411 on you or My lips hurt real bad.

Anne of Green Gables. And let's just tack on Gilbert Blithe.

Having a crush on my dentist.

Fun Dip - especially the candy stick.

Cupcakes. With SPRINKLES.

High School Musical.

And that's about all I'm ready to admit now. We'll talk about New Kids on the Block later.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

You are my Sunshine















My only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear how much I love you,
So please don't take my sunshine away.

Emily & Dan's Day O' Fun!

Opah!

Um, who's idea was the doorknob thing guys?

Daddy's girl. (not the golden child mind you)

Sisterhood of the traveling wedding dress.

Black and white is always nice.

The rain really was sexy. Until it messed up my hair.


The Fam.

Until next time....

Monday, August 4, 2008

Waterfuls!

http://www.ilovethe80s.com/toys_toys_waterfuls.htm
I had a memory the other day. Don't even know where it came from, but oh did it bring me BACK! Back to the days of the backseat in the station wagon, you know, the seat that would face out to the rest of the traffic! It's a lost art now... and truly it is tragic.

So, since there weren't any Gameboys, or handheld electronic Yahtzee, they had to give us something to shut us up right?

Right. Waterfuls to the rescue!

And here we have it, in it's original & pure form. I'm actually bidding on Ebay to reclaim my childhood. It makes me so happy. Little plastic rings, water and a button. Go figure.

20 years

20 Years Ago: 1988
1. I was 13 years old and started school at Wayzata East Junior High.
2. I loved to write letters to people and get mail.
3. I kept a journal from when I was little.
4. My family and I drove to Utah every other summer.
5. I really can’t remember being 13. At all.

10 Years Ago: 1998
1. I was 23 and on a mission in Riverside, California for the LDS church.
2. I graduated from Utah State the year before.
3. I lived in a house on the lake with a fireplace in my room.
4. My Grandpa Keith passed away and the mission president called me.
5. We almost lost my dad but he miraculously recovered and was baptized the next year and our family was sealed in the St. Paul MN temple.

5 Years Ago: 2003
1. I went to Scotland to visit my sister Emily who worked at the Scottish Parliament.
2. I went on a trip to Italy with my friend Tamara.
3. My little buddy Jacob was born one year later.

3 Years Ago: 2005
1. I bought my own town home in Shakopee, MN.
2. I discovered Goodwill in Shakopee.
3. My little buddy Chloe was born one year later.
4. I worked at Ryan Companies and met my good friend Jodie.
5. My mom got encephalitis and nearly died. Another miraculous recovery.

1 Year Ago: 2007
1. I quit a job and then got a new job that was the worst job ever.
2. I got another new job by a miracle – and truly appreciated everything about it.
3. I learned some very valuable lessons.
4. I went to New York 2 times.
5. My entire family went to Lake Superior and stayed in ridiculously large cabin for a week.

So far this year:
1. I went to Hawaii with the sweet Wilson family.
2. I got a calling to be a seminary teacher for the Prior Lake ward.
3. I went on a camping trip to Duluth and had a ball!
4. My dear sister Emily got married and moved to Utah.
5. I got another brother – here’s my shout out to Dan the Man!

Yesterday:
1. I visited Carthage Jail and cried.
2. I took a walk to the Nauvoo temple early in the morning.
3. I drove home from Nauvoo with Emily.
4. I went to DQ and had my favorite crunch cone.
5. I worked on my blog.

Today:
1. I have filled out this survey instead of working.
2. I played on Facebook and found more missing friends.
3. I ate Chef Boyardee for lunch.
4. I got to play waitress.
5. I talked to my sisters Reva and Jana.

Tomorrow:
1. I will go running/walking on the indoor track in Shakopee.
2. I will do laundry.
3. I will study my Sunday school lesson for the 14-15 year old rugrats.
4. I will listen to the Book of Mormon in the car.
5. I will crack open Stephanie Meyer’s 4th book in the Twilight series.

This Next Year:
1. Hurrah for Israel! Going on a tour with Deseret Book to the Holy Land.
2. Nephew number 3 will be born. Elliott.
3. I will plan some new adventure for 2009.
4. I will get rich and move to Lake Superior in my newly designed cabin.
5. I will become best friends with Paris Hilton and show her how dressing modest is the hottest.

Nauvoo the Beautiful








Friday: Emily and Marla sang as they drove and drove and drove and !SONIC!! (pull over NOW), our log cabin suite, the Pageant, cable TV.

Saturday: Waking up to Mariah Carey dance routines, wagon ride, brick yard, blacksmith, John Taylor house, cemetary in the dark - I can ran faster than Emily, Hotel Nauvoo buffet with YAMS, gift shopping - decent t-shirt please?, quilt pattern, Temple - truth restored.

Sunday: Carthage jail, DQ, drove and drove and drove and drove AND home.