Saturday, May 31, 2008
We came into class and noticed that my mother had placed a ladder in the front of the room. A ladder - you know, like the thing that's rotting in your garage? Yeah, that thing. During the lesson, she proceed to get up on the ladder. And this women didn't just get on the ladder and take a few steps, she went to the very top. In a dress I might add. And then continued to teach the remaining points of the lesson.
Sister Kucera came to class wearing a dress with something taped on the outside of it. No one said anything about it. They didn't even blink. It might have been because she was known for doing crazy things... after all, this was after the latter incident. During the lesson, she pointed to what was taped onto the outside of her dress. Underneath the clear tape were two aspirin. The lesson was if you don't really take something the proper way, it can't help you.
My mom asked me to play along with her little charade for her lesson. She gave me a video game to start playing at a certain place in her lesson. I was like Mom, are you kidding me? You want me to do what? But I played along (no pun intended) anyway because really, who else would do this stunt. I will never forget the looks of horror on the faces of my friends sitting next to me when I whipped out my Little Mermaid game and started playing with the sound on extremely loud. Some kids were still asleep, some weren't paying attention at all, and I don't think some of them ever got that it was a joke in the first place. But I will never forget the scripture by Paul saying "I put away childish things".
Fast forward to me, being in the Prior Lake ward for 2 weeks when I get a call from the seminary director of the Stake telling me when my inservice meeting would be held and where to attend. Ahemm..... seminary? Youth? 6 a.m? Areyoukiddingme? Did you mean to call someone with nothing to do all day, someone sitting on the couch eating bonbons maybe? How about calling someone who has actually read the Bible the whole way through? No you say? Ok, I'm becoming Catholic next week... gonna become a nun. I'll have lots of time to read the Bible there. Cooped up there in the monastery I'll have nothing to do except read the Bible. Then, and only then, will I return after a 7 year hiatus and be prepared to teach seminary. The plus side? I'll have made all these habit wearing, aleuia singing, Sister Act friends and when they see that I'm leaving to teach a class on the New Testament they'll want to see if there's any way I can pull it off and when they do come they'll be so overpowered by the Spirit of the Lord that they will all join the Prior Lake Ward which will grow so large that we'll have to build a chapel in Shakopee (right next to my house if you would please Prez. Monson, gas is 3.95 a gallon) to fit everyone.
Here's me, here's you, where's the point? I can find it! Here it is people: I'm the new "cemetery" teacher. That's why my mom always called it. I'm not sure why, you'll have to ask her. I'm thrilled (not kidding!). It will be yet an another unexpected adventure. Life is just chalk full of them lately!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I have issues with animals. It all started when I was very little. My Dad and Grandpa took me on a walk in our neighborhood. Some big dog started coming our way and I went to see the cute "puppy". It turned out to be this gigantic raving lunatic creature who knocked me over & licked me all over. My dad and Grandpa thought it was darling and so I don't think they ran fast enough to get that thing off me. I have been scarred ever since. In fact, my fear has only gotten worse over the years.
Example 1: Riverside, California. My beautiful mission. The armpit of California. Except for Canyon Lake of course.
Can you say "meth lab"? Meeeetthhhh Laaaabbbb. They are all over. You know what they use to hide their little meth labs with? Big, huge, nasty, diseased, ugly dogs. I vividly remember fighting a blue healer with my Bible while screaming and twirling in a circle because there was no where else to go. Meanwhile, the owner, standing at the top of the hill, says 'there's a reason for my no soliciting sign!'. Lovely. Burn in he*& my friend cuz that's where you're going. Might be harsh but you are the one who sicced a blue healer on Ranzen and me and there's gonna be consequences.
Example 2: Starkey Labs
A month ago I was walking to my car, minding my own business, talking on the phone with my sister Reva. All of the sudden out of the corner of my eye, these two geese come into my view. They are flying right at me. Some sort of squabble between geese, may be all in good fun for them, but there is nothing fun for me about being trapped inside some goose fight! I started screaming and running at the same time while holding on for dear life to my phone. As I dodged the squawking feathers and beaks, I got to my car and locked the door. After all this drama, I look up and see a fellow co-worker leaning against his car, laughing his head off. Evidently he had seen the whole thing. I'm surprised he didn't pull out a camera or a video recorder. Yeah buddy, why don't you have fun with the guy with the blue healer burning in a very hot place.
Since then, I've seen this same goose. I know this goose because it has this freak feather that will not lay down. Stands with a Feather is it's nickname. And when I see him, I run. I don't care how stupid I look, I just bolt.
And then about two months ago, I was walking out of work, minding my own business once again, and I hear this rustling noise coming from the garbage can. Just like those dumb girls who walk into the room when the lights don't work, I walked toward the garbage can to investigate. It wasn't dark out, and there were no gang members or psycho geese around. So I moved toward the can to see what was going on and out jumps THIS GIGANTIC RABID SQUIRREL RIGHT AT MY JUGULAR! I screamed but no one was around so it wasn't that bad.
Example 3: Backyard of my parents house.
Imagine kids playing, sun shining, bunnies jumping. My parents, for some odd reason, let my sisters have pets. Since my dad and I are allergic to cats and dogs, they needed some other options. Bunnies, hamsters, and a parakeet just to name a few. Reva adopted a little bunny and named him Max. Cute little half grey, half white thing. He loved Reva so much and would follow her around all day. We also had another bunny. His name was Charlie. Pretty calm and laid back. Until... the day in the back yard... dun dun Dunnnnnnn... Picture Charlie, eyeing Reva from across the yard. Imagine this little black and grey bunny ravaging the grass and trying to get to Reva's milky white ankle. So you think I'm joking? It grabs onto her ankle - full force - and will not let go. Meanwhile, the other kids in the backyard are watching, with gaping mouths and silent screams. The bunny will not let go! Reva is shaking her leg, trying to get the thing to release. It will not relent! Finally, with one strong kick, the bunny flies off her ankle and medical attention is sought.
Example 4: Do you really need another one? Are you kidding me? How about not being so greedy? Three is enough.
Friday, May 23, 2008
When you click on the word "comments", it will bring up 4 options to choose from.
Choose an identity:
- Google/Blogger (if you have a gmail or a blogger account login, you can use this)
- Name/URL (enter your name and website if applicable **requires no login)
- OpenID (enter AIM login)
- Anonymous (for wussies, just click the button people, that's it **requires no login)
Example:Ironman was the dumbest movie in the whole world. Someone should have chosen the movie Chronicles of Narnia Part II instead. And WHAT is up with the almost kissing thing but not following through? Gosh!
Yeah, that was awesome. And it's over. So stop your crying and get a second job.
Remember when Grey's Anatomy used to have the best writers?
Yeah, that was awesome. It's SO over. So write a letter to NBC and watch LOST instead.
Remember when Target used to have awesome clearance items like big red belts, funky purses, and dangly earrings?
Yeah, that was awesome and it's still the case! So go to Target and get to your happy place.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Fast forward to Reva marrying Jeff... dah dah dah dahhhhhhhhhh dah dah dah dahhhhhhh... gorgeous outdoor wedding. Finally, I got my brother. I had been asking my parents for one for about 20 years.
And now, Emily captured the flag and now has Dan. That means I HAVE ANOTHER BROTHA! People! I'm ecstatic. I have TWO (2, count 'em 2) brothers! This truly is a miracle.
These boys love my sisters! They are so good to them. It really has been a beautiful thing to witness.
Things I love about my brothas:
Long live my brothas!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Seriously, what else is a 2 year old going to do with a plate.
Jana and Melissa Calof. Melissa grew up one door down from us. She was over all the time. She was like another sister. She got in trouble right alongside the rest of us.
Jaja (Means Grandma in Africa) & Anna
Shopping. The spent the evening with these purses, running around the house, saying they were shopping. It was hilarious.
They took a break from shopping and did some serious bed jumping like little monkeys. I love how Jacob joined in - and even has on a necklace like the girls do. I guess it's more fun jumping on the bed when you have a big necklace on. It's more bouncy. I gotta try it.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
So, if you are a girl, OR if you are a boy who likes a girl, run into a Victoria Secret store, with your eyes closed, and grab a few flavors. Right now there are 2 for 12 dollars. As you walk out, kick the pervert in the back of the shop checking out the ladies underwear. Sicko.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
They already want to kick me off the island. – Jana to Marla after driving from Minnesota to Utah.
We got Emily some lingerie – a Utah Jazz jersey! – Heidi and Keith, who ran to the mall on the light rail when we were waiting for the dinner to be ready.
Throw up your hands and yell “YAY! The photographer’s here!” - Photographer. (not kidding)
Who has the keys to the Buick?! – Marla
I need a hot fudge sundae with peanut butter and chocolate icecream and hot fudge on top.
– Marla, duh.
Grandma, did you know that you live in the Ghetto? – Marla, after Andrew (Dan’s brother) told her that Ogden was the Ghetto.
I need to go tanning. – Emily, before her wedding about 114 times.
Jeff, I have a whole new respect for you now. I know what it’s like to sleep with Reva. – Marla, commenting on Reva’s twitching.
Marla, you are being too loud! – Jacob, trying to watch the movie Babe.
Would you like a starburst? Jeff
Yes. – Marla takes two.
I said A starburst. – Jeff
Jeff, is it ok to put a bag in your van on the way home? - Marla
Yes, only if it’s A bag – Jeff.
Sandra: It’s after the DIP Dick. (talking about the turn in the road before Louan’s house).
Richard: Is it after the DIP?
You have to take out a mortgage to pay for this icecream!! – Hilarious lady at the custard place in Bountiful.
I only have one more cake to frost. – Lisea (Dan’s mom) on doing all the cakes.
You have a tent!! Do we have pony rides and elephant rides too?!! – Marla, commenting on the reception plans as the Allen family proceeded to put up a circus tent in the backyard.
I’m going to go build my twine hut. – Andrew, Dan’s brother. Who seriously slept in his twine hut in the country. He’s 19 years old and has been working on his twine hut for a few months now with his friends before he leaves for his mission.
Stop telling me what to do!! – Emily to Marla.
Who let me wear that dress?! – Marla, seeing the wedding slide show of Emily and Dan. It was a horrible gray and white checkered episode.
Mom, Dan, I forgot my laptop in Emily’s trunk of her car. – Marla, on the way to Salt Lake.
Well you’re not getting it back. You’ll do without it! – Dad, just a tad bit annoyed.
Emily, you are sleeping with me! – Marla to Emily in Hooper.
Marla, are you awake? Do you want to go for a walk? Emily, in my face super early in the morning at Gordon and Louon’s house.
Ok Emily, I’m up. Where we going.
I could’ve done this manicure myself!! – Emily, after a horrible experience with a lady who painted nails like a third grader.
We should call this salon SunSUCKtional! - Marla, cleverly coming up with a new name to the salon called Sunsational.
Man, that’s a lotta chicken!! – Comment on the wedding food.
Jake would you like some cherrios? Louon, asking Jake about breakfast.
Um, I pretty much only eat Lucky Charms. – Jake (turns out that Lisa’s house had one box of Lucky Charms which the children (and Jeff) devoured. Ok, I had a few charms myself.
Did you hear about the time when Dad ran into the screen at Louan & Gordon’s house? Reva
No! Tell! Marla
Yeah, he ran into the door and then he said ‘Who shut the door?!’
And Jeff’s voice meekly said ‘I did’.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I love your blog but your blatant grammatical errors need to be reckoned with.
Emily, I nobly deem you editor of my blatantly grammatical mess. Have fun!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Theme: You are Better Than You Think You Are!
We had a wonderful time at Women's conference. This year all records were shot out of the water. We had nearly 300 sisters in attendance.
I love how President Bautista was in the kitchen, with his sleeves rolled up, ready to work. Oh how I love him! And his sweet wife Leslie, right along side him. They are such an example of kindness and love. I am so grateful for both of them and their service to our Stake.
And sweet Carol. This amazing Stake Relief Society President who would do anything for anyone. Who does more than she thinks she does. She truly is Better Than She Thinks She Is.
And dear Ann, our enthusiastic counselor. And energetic Kathy, the one who kept us on track and reminded us why we were serving and that it wasn't about table cloths and trinkets.
What a wild ride I've had! I look back on it with fondness, but also forward for new opportunities to cause a little trouble. :)
Sometimes I have to shield my eyes on account of all the kissing pictures!!
Wait.... the rain magically changed Emily and Dan into Hoops and Yoyo. Cool!
Emily and Dan, May 7, 2008, Salt Lake Temple
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Goodbye Grandma! See you soon!