Friday, December 14, 2007

"Do not eat baby Jesus, put him back on the tree."

This is what I heard when I picked up the phone today. Reva talking to Chloe. Do not eat baby Jesus. It's a great lesson this time of year - don't eat baby Jesus. Just try to listen to him and be nice to people and don't bud in line.

This quote inspired MORE quotes from the worst movie I have ever seen in my ENTIRE LIFE. Now that I've made that clear, here is the funniest part of the whole stupid movie. You can rent it and fast forward to this part. I mean I was almost crying I was laughing so hard. Will Ferrell does have his moments.

"Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you Jésuz…we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...

Dear Tiny Jesus, in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, little fat balled up fists

Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I win the races and I get the money

Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent. We’d just like to thank you for all the races I’ve won and the $21.2 million, LOVE THAT MONEY! That I have accrued over this past season. Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention PowerAde at each grace, I just wanna say that PowerAde is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day and we look forward to PowerAde’s release of mystic mountain blueberry. Thank you, for all your power and your grace, Dear Baby God, Amen."

Now that I have that out of my system, Merry Christmas baby Jesus. We love you.

1 comment:

  1. That is the longest quote ever. And I can picture Reva telling Chloe not to eat baby Jesus in her motherly tone. So funny!